What it Means to Fall
by arei
Summary: When you love someone, you don't want to lose them in your life. You will do what it takes to be with them for your entire life. And the very first step to that is to let them know your feelings. But still in the end, everything is up to you.
1. Chapter 1

hey everyone! Another HonoMaki fic! yay! So this was upon the request of Mihoka Kishisaka! I'm so happy to get a request from you! Hope you and everyone will enjoy this!

* * *

I didn't think it would be this hard. It wasn't long ago when I can't even imagine how this feels. I didn't think it will drive me crazy. Having sleepless nights of thinking about that person, getting all nervous when they are close, happiness and warmth welling up inside of you when they smile at you or touch you, those are some things I heard that will happen when you fall in love, and I couldn't believe it then. But now, those are exactly what is happening to me.

The first time I saw her was long ago around we were about to form our idol group. I was in the middle of my thoughts of how I can convince Umi-chan and Kotori-chan to join me, though I know I'll be able to sooner. I was there standing on the rooftop of our school when suddenly a very beautiful sound of piano surrounded the atmosphere. I immediately followed where it was coming from and found myself outside the music room. There she was behind the piano, singing her heart out while playing it gracefully. From that moment, I didn't think that I have fallen for her. I just know that I was entranced by her voice and I must talk to her. I invited her to join us but she refused. Thankfully later on, we got Maki-chan to join us.

* * *

Being the heir of the Nishikino hospital isn't a big deal, at least for me. People doesn't look high up to me because I am intimidating. I am intimidating because they look up to me. Almost everyone sees me that way that they are too afraid to approach me. I have become somewhat anti-social because they made me feel like I am someone too far from their reach.

I decided to shut myself from other people which is the reason why I don't have friends, not until I've met Honoka. She is the person who did not hesitate to come and reach out to me no matter how many times I push her away.

Weird was my first impression of her. Who would not think that of someone who suddenly goes up to you and ask you if you wanna try becoming an idol? We have just met at that time too. I rudely left her there. But after some time, she came to me again but this time to ask me to compose for them. I rejected her once again telling her that I am not interested. I am not really into the type of songs the idols sings because I think they are not taking music seriously. The next time Honoka approached me, she taught me that I was wrong. She gave me the lyrics that Umi had composed and told me to at least try reading it.

"I will come and ask you again. If you turn me down, then I will stop bothering you." When she said those to me, I felt a little sad inside.

"I am not changing my mind. _She is not as persistent as I thought._ "

"I'll just have to deal with it when the time comes. But at least let me listen to you sing again. I love your singing voice Nishikino-san. I was moved when I heard you sing and play the piano. That's exactly why I want you to compose songs for us."

I know, right from that moment, the wall I have built inside of me to keep others away was pierced by her. She broke through it and made my heart move.

* * *

As time flies by and our idol group got more well-known, I have become aware of my feelings for Maki-chan. I just didn't like what I have gone through to realize it.

We are very aware that fans ships our members together, and I know that there are lots of NicoMaki shippers.

One time I tried observing them and I saw how much they are bickering with each other. Even though they are arguing, I can tell that they are having fun, that they are enjoying each other's company. I felt a sting of pain in my heart. I refused to accept that I was jealous. I refused to accept that I may never be like that with Maki-chan, and most importantly, I refuse that I am already in love with my junior.

Not wanting to make an issue out of it, I kept everything to myself which wasn't a good idea. The pain made a scar inside me and it kept on growing deeper every time I see them together. When it came to the point where I couldn't take it anymore, it became obvious to the other members that I was a little off lately, especially to Kotori-chan and Umi-chan.

"Honoka-chan… Are you alright?" Kotori-chan suddenly asked when they were having a sleep-over at our house.

"Y-yeah. Why would I not be?"

"Honoka, you don't have to hide it from us. Everyone noticed already, that you were kinda down recently. Something is definitely wrong. You can always tell me and Kotori about it."

"We will see what we can do, Honoka-chan, please tell us."

Upon realizing the great concern of my childhood friends on me, I couldn't stop myself when my tears started flowing. All of the feelings I have been bottling inside overflowed. I cried my heart out in front of them. Though they were still shock at my sudden outburst, they immediately lent me their shoulders and hugged me as I cry.

When I calmed down, Kotori-chan handed me a glass of water to drink. They patiently waited for me to start talking.

"I didn't think I've already bottled up this much. Ha ha.."

"Honoka/Honoka-chan..."

"Okay. Haa…" I took a deep breath preparing myself to spill it out. "Just one sentence and I'm sure you'll get it already." The two didn't say anything but instead gave me a nod.

"I'm deeply in love with Maki-chan." For the first time, I said it out loud. My face grew hot by the second the words left my mouth. The two stared at me blankly as if still processing what I just said.

"Y-you m-mean.. O-our group's Nishikino Maki?" Umi asked full of stutters. I nodded.

"A-as in Maki-chan?" Kotori followed and I nodded again.

Absorbing it at last, the two blushed, and at the same time, they shared looks of worry and I know exactly why. Everyone in muse noticed how close those two are and we were thinking that sooner or later they might start dating.

"So that's why you look that way when you see them."

"Eeh? What do you mean Umi-chan?"

"I noticed you one time when you stared at them. You had an expression of hurt. I thought it was just my imagination but turns out it is not."

"O-oh… You saw it.."

"S-sorry Honoka-chan!" was all Kotori could say as she hugged me again and this time, she's the one crying. I patted her back. "It's okay Kotori-chan I already knew. But letting this out on you two helped me. I feel a lot better now. Thank you Kotori-chan, Um-chan." I said turning to Umi-chan as I end my sentence. Umi-chan joined the hug afterwards.

After the incident I returned to my normal self which was a relief to everyone. I will decide what to do with my feelings step by step.

* * *

A lot of things happened ever since we became a group of 9. Though I might never admit it, I enjoy their company. My high school life became brighter because of them, especially Honoka.

Slowly, I let myself open up to the group and became one of the closest to Nico-chan. Maybe we got too close that we gained shippers. But my feelings for Honoka never wavered. I grew to love her more each passing day.

Nico-chan is the one I can always talk this about outside school. At first I didn't want to admit it but she caught me. She got Honoka's name out of my mouth.

"What do you plan to do?" Nico asked me after she found out.

"H-Huh? What plan?"

"Don't play dumb Maki. You know what I'm talking about."

"No, I really don't."

"Confession."

"Wh-what?!"

"Don't you want to make a move to let her know your feelings?"

"I-I don't know. S-should I?"

"Uuuhh… I didn't think you'd be this clueless about love."

"I can't help it! This is the first time after all. Don't forget how I am very wary of people."

"Listen, you know the things that couple does?"

"What things?"

"Like holding hands, o-or k-kiss."

I immediately blushed at the mention of kiss. "T-t-t-those are e-embarrassing!" heat rise up to my cheeks as I imagined myself kissing Honoka.

"You were imagining it, weren't you?" Nico-chan teased.

"I-I am c-certainly n-not!"

"Anyway, the point here is, when you love someone, you don't want to lose them in your life. You will do what it takes to be with them for your entire life. And the very first step to that is to let them know your feelings. But still in the end, everything is up to you."

"It will be hard. I know the risks. And I don't want to risk losing the only connection I have with her. I am not ready yet."

"Yeah I understand that. That is why everything is still up to you. There is a right time for everything."

"Nico-chan.. You seemed like an expert on this like how you are with idols. Are you in love with someone?"

My question made her cough violently which obviously means yes.

"Okay I take that as I yes. Don't try and deny it because your reaction shows."

"I-I guess so. But I'm not telling you."

"Eehh.. That's unfair Nico-chan!"

"Like what I've told you earlier, there is a right time for everything. I'll let you know someday."

I wondered who the person Nico-chan likes and hope that it goes well for her.

* * *

I made a pact with myself that if we won Love Live, I will confess to Maki-chan on the graduation day of the third years. I already prepared myself of what the outcome might be. Keeping it to myself forever will never do me good. It isn't like me to give up before even trying after all. I don't want to regret not telling Maki-chan how much I love her. No matter what the result might be, I will accept it whole-heartedly. I trust her that we will still be friends after I confess to her. I just know that Maki-chan won't ever leave me.

When we actually won it, I was all set to tell her. Kotori-chan and Umi-chan helped me prepare mentally.

But I guess I really am unlucky. She beat me to it.

To think that we'll actually win it was a dream come true. It is the best graduation gift the third years could ask for. But at the same time, I feel lonely to think that Eli, Nozomi and Nico-chan are leaving, and that we won't continue being muse. This group has already become a very significant part of my life. They are my second family. But this is something we can't do anything about.

On the day of their graduation, Nico-chan asked me to come with her to the backyard of the school after the graduation ceremony. Unsuspecting, I agreed with her.

I was mailing Maki-chan but there was no answer so I decided to look for her instead. I asked around and thankfully someone was able to tell me where she could be.

"I saw her with Nico-senpai. It seems like they are going to the backyard."

"Okay thank you!"

At the mention of Nico-chan's name, I suddenly felt nervous. But I tried to stop myself. "This isn't the time to back off Honoka. You have to tell her today!"

I ran off as quickly as I can slowing down when I got close to the backyard and spotted them. I decided to hide behind the bushes to watch them first. I can't hear what they're talking about from my spot though.

"Maki-chan.. I called you here because I have something to tell you."

"You better have or else I'll think that you just want to make fun of me. Ha ha" I joked

"Hahaha.. I'm really glad you've become softer now Maki-chan. I'm being serious here and you still have time for that?"

"I-I don't want to be too serious here just so you know."

"Okay I get it, haha…"

"So what do you want to tell me?"

Nico-chan took a deep breath before speaking again. _Just what is she about to tell me?_ I started feeling nervous inside as I noticed a blush forming on her face.

"Remember when you asked me about the person I like? That I will tell you about it someday?"

"Ah yeah. In the end you haven't told me about them."

"Don't worry because I will tell you now."

She looked deeply into my eyes and I feel like I already know what she wants to tell me.

The next scene completely broke my heart. They looked deeply into each other and within seconds, Nico-chan leaned in and kissed Maki-chan. I can't tell where exactly because I couldn't bear to watch it further more. I ran away with the rain starting to come from my eyes.

* * *

First, NicoMaki shippers, please don't hate me, I am shipper too actually (but at the same time I ship Maki with others too and one of my fav is as you can tell already, HonoMaki, and also KotoMaki).

Second, It's been a while since I last wrote something depressing and to be honest, I am not satisfied with the ending. So I am not putting a complete status here yet. I might continue this, but probably will end it on the next one if ever. (writing this got me depressed as well... Forgive me Honoka!)

Update: Since I've already uploaded chapter 2, I made the status complete..

And lastly, I think I will take a little break from a HonoMaki fic for my next update, meaning I will do a different pairing.

Thank you everyone for the continues support.


	2. Chapter 2

I couldn't sit still because of how it ended so I already did the next chapter. I didn't think I would finish it today.. haha.. And I just realized that my apology from the first chapter is a spoiler of how I want it to turn out. So here is the final chapter.

* * *

"Chase her."

"N-Nico-chan…"

"I already know the answer. Honoka is the only one for you right?"

I can still feel the kiss that she left on my cheek. It was soft and warm but Honoka's face immediately flashed in my mind.

"I love you Maki. I at least just wanted to let you know. Now chase after her before it's too late."

"B-but Nico-chan-"

"I chose the cheek because I'm sure you wanted to reserve your first on the lips for her right? Don't worry about me, just go after her!"

Nico-chan turned around so I won't see her face. I can tell that she's already starting to cry. I hugged her from behind and said, "Nico-chan.. Thank you. You're a very wonderful friend. I love you for that. And I'm sorry that I can't love you the same way." I feel myself starting to cry as well. I didn't want to hurt her and I realize now that I have been hurting her all this time.

"It's okay. Just go now. I won't forgive you if you didn't get to tell her."

I kissed her on the cheek before leaving her behind.

Why of all people does it have to be Honoka to see us there? I wonder what her reaction was, and what she felt about it. I hate that I've been hurting Nico-chan. But there's nothing I can do. Now I have to make sure that I at least grant her wish. That was very selfless of her. _I won't let your effort and love go to waste Nico-chan._

"Just where in the world did she ran off to!" I yelled out loud not caring to every person I pass by as I run on school grounds looking for the only person which makes my heart thump like there's no tomorrow.

 _Honoka.. Please wait for me.._

I looked everywhere outside the school building first before going inside. I went to their classroom as soon as I entered the building and found Kotori and Umi about to walk out of the room.

"Maki/Maki-chan?"

"H-have you seen Honoka?" I asked while panting. I couldn't understand the expression they were giving me but it's close to worry and distress.

"We were about to look for her too." Umi answered.

"Okay thanks. Call me when you see her." I started running again but was stopped when Kotori called me.

"Maki-chan!"

I turned again to see her.

"She might be at the music room!"

I was just as surprised as Umi when Kotori said that almost in tears. I muttered her a thanks and ran off again.

* * *

I didn't care even if I kept on bumping into people. I just ran to nowhere, hitting the wall in the process. My forehead hurts but I still didn't care. It was nothing compared to what I'm feeling inside. Before I knew it, I reached the music room.

"How did I end up here? Ha ha" The memory of our first meeting started to flood my mind. Another wave of tears came. "Maki-chan.."

I sat on one of the desks, rested my head there, and cried out loud. It should be fine, people would only think that I am crying because it's graduation day.

"I love you! I love you! Maki-chan!"

I can't hear anything else anymore but my own sobs and voice calling out to her. I said that I am already prepared of the outcome but it still hurts. It hurts more than I imagined. And I didn't even get to tell her.

"So this is what it's like to fall without that person ready to catch you?"

I am way too late to do anything. It wouldn't matter if I tell her my feelings now right? She already has Nico-chan.

"I love you Nishikino Maki!" I said a little loud for this one last time as I look up pushing the desk. The person before my eyes now stared at me with a full blush on her face matching the color of her hair. And I know my face could compare as well.

"M-M-Maki-chan?"

"Honoka?"

While it looks like she is still processing everything, I ran again without thinking. I just have to get out of the room is all I could think of. _When did she get in there anyway?!_

* * *

"I love you! I love you! Maki-chan!" The very familiar strained voice said as I come close to the music room. I nervously and carefully opened the door only to find my stupid ginger-head senior crying on a desk. _Seems like Kotori is right. Thank you Kotori._ I quietly walked in front of her not knowing if I should poke her to let her know I'm there.

"So this is what it's like to fall without that person ready to catch you?" she said again between her sobs.

The sound of her voice is breaking my heart. I was stoned there and don't how to react. Why is my brain not working now that I need it the most? _I am not hearing things right? She really said it right?_

"I love you Nishikino Maki!"

I nearly jumped when she suddenly yelled and looked up. We stared at each other's eyes for a few seconds. It seems like all the blood rushed up to my face as I got lost on her light blue eyes. Her words just now kept on repeating in my mind. I snapped out of it when she spoke again.

"M-M-Maki-chan?"

"Honoka?" is all I could manage in response.

Before I realize it, the one I love has already ran out of the room. "HONOKA WAIT!" I ran after her when I finally got back to my senses. _How much does this stupid wants me to run today? Seriously!_

* * *

"HONOKA WAIT!" I heard her call out. I haven't even gotten that far and now she's chasing me. My legs are already hurting from all the running but I have to go further. I don't want to face her yet.

"Don't come after me!" I yelled back when I hear her footsteps coming close. I am slowing down. _Oh no. I have to keep running. I ha-_

I was cut off my thoughts when I suddenly tripped into something.

I crashed into her landing on top. Thankfully no one else seems to be around because our position is very awkward.

"How long do plan to keep on running away! I've been looking for you, you know!"

My tears fell on her face and she just looked me in the eye. "Don't run away like that again! Don't run away from me!" I thrust my head on her chest hitting her shoulders with my hand as I exclaimed.

"Maki..-chan?"

"You're so unfair Honoka! At least let me say I love you too!" I look her in the eyes again as I say that. "I love you too Honoka! I love you too!"

I didn't imagine my confession would be like this. I am at my worse and I look terrible. All my tears falling on her with the addition of our awkward position. _Can you consider this romantic?_

I felt my eyes grow wide at her confession. _No, you are not dreaming. You can still feel how much your legs hurts right?_ I heard my inner self told me.

"This is what happens when you don't prepare for your confession. At least fix your positions first before blurting that out Maki-chan."

We both turned to where the voice came from and found Nico-chan staring at us with a smirk on her face.

"N-Nico-chan?!" we both said in surprise. Maki-chan quickly got off me and helped me stand after.

"Everyone's waiting outside. I know you two have a lot to talk about but make it quick for now okay?"

We stared at her in shock as she walk away.

"By the way, I was the one who tripped you Honoka. Feel free to thank me later." She waved at us until she is out of our sight.

"So you two aren't together?" I finally asked.

"No we're not. Nico-chan has been helping me actually."

"Then, why did she kissed you earlier?" I said pouting afterwards.

"That was just a kiss on the cheek and more like a goodbye kiss. She knows that I want to reserve my first kiss."

Without any warning, I leaned closer to her and gave her first kiss on the lips. "Honoka, I only want to go out with you."

She hugged me before answering. "Same here. I won't run away from you ever again Maki-chan."

I kissed her once again and noticed the bump on her forehead. "Let me treat that Honoka."

"Everyone's waiting already."

"The infirmary is just a few walks away. Let's go."

Before she could argue more, I held my lover's hand dragging her to the infirmary.

* * *

So that's it. I hope I made up for what I did on the first chapter. For NicoMaki shipper, I will do something in the future. As much as I am not comfortable with hurting Honoka, the same goes to Nico. I don't know when I'll be able to do that though. But I will write a NicoMaki fic after some time.


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